A Prayer for The Heartbroken
My heart is in such a fragile stage right now. It feels like it's been ripped apart and tossed aside. And it hurts so much that I’ve been taking more extreme measures to protect it. To guard it from possibly getting fractured even further, before it has the chance to fully heal. Lord, it really hurts. More than words can say. But what makes this experience more painful is that I acted against my better judgment and I allowed this to happen. Or rather, I chose not to listen to your Holy Spirit. I chose to follow my emotions and I tried to rationalize sin. I failed to guard my heart. And now, I feel like I’m paying the price for it. With painfully awkward conversations and mood swings and random breakdowns in the middle of the day.
It truly feels like I’m going through a spiritual attack. Like the enemy has been prowling and taking every little opportunity to break me down mentally and emotionally. I’m almost embarrassed to admit that he nearly succeeded. Because I didn’t make much of an effort to fight back. A part of me felt that I deserved this. I wasn't making a conscious effort to pivot my thoughts and remind myself of what’s true. I wasn't really consistent in spending time in Your word. And even when I tried, I found it so challenging to focus.
See, the worst thing about heartbreak is that it feels like a grieving process. And it can feel all-consuming and never-ending. Which is probably why I’ve had the strong urge to suppress what I’m feeling, without having to deal with this immense pain. I’ve tried to distract myself with other things and pretend that everything is okay. But Lord, I know I won’t fare well if I continue to go down that road. I can’t spend my days pretending to be at peace and okay when I’m really not. I can’t risk having my hurt, bitterness and unresolved anger manifest in ways that could potentially hurt other people.
So Lord, I’m coming to you directly and giving you all the broken pieces of my heart. Confessing that I cannot handle this on my own. You are the great physician who knows and understands me better than anyone else. Your word says that You are close to the brokenhearted and You save those who are crushed in spirit. You heal the brokenhearted and You bind up their wounds. So Lord, I’m asking that You’ll do the same for me, as I finally seek You and embrace this healing process. Help me to stay focused on what’s true. To remember that no pain is wasted and that there are valuable lessons I can learn from this.