Dear Jesus,
I've been struggling to keep my mind fixed on You.
It sounds so easy when I read it or when I hear my pastor preach about it. "Always look to Jesus. Keep your eyes focused on Him." I've officially lost count of how many times I've heard some variation of this phrase. But to be completely transparent, I'm finding it harder to put this into practice and it scares me a little. Okay, a lot.
I'm well aware of the fact that what or whom I focus on speaks a lot to what I treasure or value most. And the fact that I can't honestly say that You've remained the center of my focus is quite telling. I've allowed myself to be consumed by so many things in this world. Things that are temporary and not that significant—at least from a kingdom perspective. And I confess that I've been looking to other places to fill needs that I know only You can fill. I find myself enjoying the instant gratification that comes with following my feelings and desires, but then I'm reminded that they're only temporary fixes. Temporary pleasures that don't compare to the lasting peace and joy that comes with consistently being in relationship with You.
My distractions have done a number on my thought patterns, too. Rather than meditating on your word I find myself mulling over past events and obsessing about my future, bringing my anxiety levels to an all-time high. And I find myself thinking about my insecurities and how others really see me. They're all tell-tale signs that I haven't been spending enough time in Your presence, really. And the scariest part is that I feel like I'm stuck. It's a constant cycle that repeats itself whenever I get distracted by something.
But I want this cycle to break, Lord. I want to be able to fix my eyes, my mind, on You and actually keep it that way, no matter how crazy my circumstances are. No matter how I'm feeling. I want to develop the discipline to consistently read Your word and spend time in Your presence, because that alone seems to be a challenge for me right now, and I know I can't afford to keep it that way.
The cluttered state of my mind right now is a testament to how badly I need You and Your word. How much I need Your wisdom and guidance. And so I pray that Your Holy Spirit would give me the right desires and help me to make that shift. Help me to let go of every single distraction. Open my eyes to focus on what truly matters.
Sincerely,
Me
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